Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
