the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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