You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
