were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
