i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
