good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
