there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
