dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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