That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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