its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
