I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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