theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
