He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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