Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
