I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Randomize
