....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize