he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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