I wish i was in the wii world.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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