the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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