Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
