How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
