im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she told me i tasted like america
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
