She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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