look no pants
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She bit a glass in half.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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