Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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