You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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