I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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