If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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