your thong is hanging out like whoa
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
