Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
