Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
