We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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