I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
