i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
