We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Dignity is for republicans.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
