Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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