i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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