I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
