Last Night in California (213)

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• (213): View more from California

  I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire

  (213): View more from California

  A hand job? Are you 12?

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• (213): View more from California

  I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina

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• (213): View more from California

  At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I brought my porn computer to class by accident

  (213): View more from California

  How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?

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• (213): View more from California

  i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??

  (1-213): View more from California

  You just listed two reasons.

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• (213): View more from California

  Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.

  (213): View more from California

  I wanna become a plank.

  (815): View more from Illinois

  God I love xanex.

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• (213): View more from California

  Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub

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• (213): View more from California

  How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.

  (213): View more from California

  .....unless there is alcohol involved

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• (213): View more from California

  I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.

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• (213): View more from California

  I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.

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• (213): View more from California

  She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.

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• (213): View more from California

  idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.

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