but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
