my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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