so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
