I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
