Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Come see our sink grown plant.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
