i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
