look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
