So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
