I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
