I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
