all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
this just has baby written all over it
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
