After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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