It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I have already put on my inside pants.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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