she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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