I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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