after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
