i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize