Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
