Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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