weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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