he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize