It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
