i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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