I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
