I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
