This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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