it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
