omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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