my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
