Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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