So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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