Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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