you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
