When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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