My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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