if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
