Im at strip club and am horny
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
