I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
