I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize