Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
