Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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