I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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