I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize