This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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