Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
