I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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