I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
