Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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