if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
