you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
