i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
