3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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