I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
