i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize