Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
