im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
All I want is dick and wine.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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