I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Life is so much better after having sex.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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