For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
