U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
