yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Randomize
