I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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