alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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