my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
