Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
