There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
