oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
