so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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